From me to him

Dear Isaak,

Happy Birthday my little guy! It feels like just yesterday that you were literally pulled out to come into this world. Yes literally with forceps around your little head because you accidentally faced the wrong direction or maybe you faced the direction you wanted to. You didn’t seem like you were quite ready to come out because you were just wailing--almost like you were saying, “You know--I was perfectly comfortable in there.” I’ve learned this year that you surely know what you want and you will not stop until you get it. For example when we tried to spend the weekend away from home and you didn't like sleeping in your playpen! You woke up every 1/2 hour to let us know you weren't comfortable. You finally fell asleep around 3am when we put you on the bouncer. Cory slept with his arm around you on the floor so you didn't roll off. You weren’t going to come easy, eh?? I remember pushing and pushing and pushing and thinking this isn’t going how I thought that it would. And honestly what part of this year has?

I remember driving away from the hospital thinking, “Are they really letting us out with this baby by ourselves? Don’t they know that we don’t know anything?” I think that I was even more scared than your Dad because at least he had changed your diaper in the hospital. So we brought home this itty bitty bundle of you. You slept quite a bit until about 10pm at night, then the crying started. You would cry from 10am to about 2-3am. Boy were we tired. So many people had told me that I would be bored because you slept all the time. I wasn’t bored, but so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I think the only way we made it through was with lots of sugar, awesome meals from our neighbors, new friends, running, and just taking one day at a time-sometimes even just one hour at a time.

Those first weeks when you first came home definitely weren’t easy. I dare say they were the hardest weeks of my life. I never felt more confused and clueless. I really had no idea what I was doing. I cried a lot. I know I made many mistakes as I tried to figure out what you needed and what you wanted. But as time passed and we got used to each other it started to make more sense. I started to realize that you were the greatest thing that has ever come into my life. I was meant to be your Mom and you were meant to be my son. You are exactly what I needed. You are perfect for our family.

I started to feel more and more confident in my new role as a mother. There were times when my strength and character were tested, but I would turn to God and plead for his help. I found much comfort in a quote by Jeffrey Holland, “..Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and weep over their responsibilities as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.” I learned to proudly say, “Yes I am a MOM!” I started to realize that I didn’t want to go back to work, but would rather spend my time with you crawling around on the floor and giggling to make you giggle. I liked that you would wipe your nose on my shoulder when it was runny or that you trusted me to hold you and keep you safe.

I have been looking through all your pictures and am amazed at the person you are. You have already shown me what joy this life is. You are almost always smiling. You smile at anybody that passes us with the biggest grin. It’s contagious-they always smile back. One time in a store parking lot a lady five cars away exclaimed, “Your baby just smiled at me! He is so cute.” She walked away smiling.

You are an independent spirit.

You spend the majority of your time reaching and pointing at seemingly everything you are interested in. You love to sit on the counter and turn the Ipod on and off. You also love to take all the utensils out of the cup and then push them around on the floor like cars. You have also recently discovered the little hiding place under the stairs and you like to smile at us then hide--laughing hysterically the whole time. Whenever you see other children you start squirming to get out of our arms so you can go join them. You are quite social, though sometimes a little over zealous when you accidentally touch too hard or crawl up on top of someone. One of my favorite things you do is offer big, huge, wet, slobbery kisses and you share them freely with your stuffed blue bunny and little dog. You don’t offer often, so when you come at us we know we have to offer up our cheek to you (even if it gets all slobbery)! Your new way to communicate is to put your little hands on our cheeks, then you get about two inches away looking directly into our eyes-you point to what you want and say, “OOO, DA!”

You have the greatest Dad. I love to watch the two of you play and play. You laugh together and I always try to join in on the fun. You like to be read to before you go to bed, so we take turns doing it at night. I wish I could explain how much I love you! I heard someone once describe it as fierce. It’s true it is! I can feel it with all that I am. I want you to know that I’m trying to do the best I can and even when I make mistakes I love you. I always will. I love you and your Dad so deeply. I’m grateful to have the both of you in my life helping me to become stronger, smarter, and happier. We LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being your parents. We are incredibly blessed.

I love you and Happy Birthday my baby boy!!!

Love,

Mom