Skip to main content

what do I want????


I'm all over the place. I want to buy a house. I don't want to buy a house. All my life I've lived with other people. I lived with my family at home. I then went on a mission and lived with companions that I barely knew. On coming how i moved out after a few weeks and lived with friends in an apartment then in a house. I have always lived with people around me. Even now we are renting a basement apartment and I don't ever feel lonely because I know that they are just upstairs. But I want to have my own space, but I don't want to be alone. Is that crazy? We bid on a house last week and I was so excited that we might win the house. Winning. Sounds more exciting than saying our bid got accepted. People tell me that I will love having my own space and doing what I want. The thing about that is that I'm kind of lazy or maybe I just don't care enough. It took me four years to hang up pictures on the walls here. I've also been meaning
to decorate my bedroom for two years, but I haven't pulled through yet and now I also plan to decorate Chloe and Isaaks bedroom. Maybe if it's our own house I'll feel more passion? Or maybe I will still want to spend every waking moment outside. I don't know. See I don't know what I want. The whole time waiting to see if we won our house. I was thinking what? Do I want this? I don't want to be alone! I don't know if I'm ready to own land. It's not even that great of an investment is it? The second we found out we didn't get the house I felt sad. I thought I want my own place. I don't want to hear people run around upstairs--actually this doesn't bug me at all, but other people are bugged when they come over. I find the noise comforting-aka I'm not alone. But I thought what about my garden? All that storage space? We don't have a ton of storage space now and it kind of makes me crazy trying to invent new ways to fit everything in the same place. Alas. I'm off to be confused and befuddled. Do I want a house or don't I?
One thing I am sure about though is that I love this little lady! I loved this page so I'm sneaking it in. She is truly a joy. And another thing that I don't know about is Asthma. Grr. that's me growling at Asthma. I've been reading about it a lot because it's so hard for me to figure out when Isaak is having an attack. He was having one for about two week and now we are getting it under control now that we realize that it really is an attack. Most people imagine a child turning blue and not being able to breathe, but that's a severe attack. Before hand he just doesn't sleep at nights, his cough turns horrendous and almost unstoppable, he gets dark bags under his eyes and they get all watery. I'm learning his symptoms, but it isn't always obvious. I told the doctor I was confused and he said when in doubt try albuterol and if it doesn't work then its not asthma its just a cold. Well what's crazy about that is that we try albuterol it doesn't work so we assume its a cold, but that same cold in a few days has turned into asthma and is no longer a cold, but an asthma attack. GRrrrR! This is me growling at asthma again. I hate to imagine his little airways all swollen up and full of mucous. I just want them to be normal and open. Acceptance. I'm trying. I keep thinking that asthma will magically go away. Who knows maybe it will. Okay so maybe I'm not quite to acceptance yet.

Comments

Penny said…
It would be fun to own a home, but yes a lot of work too! Good luck! Hope the asthma gets better!
Heather said…
I love owning my own home, but I never liked renting. I didn't like giving someone else money and never actually owning anything in return. Owning my home I feel like usually it only appreciates in value and if I make smart decisions in my life when I die I can at least leave my kids something.
We are the same way. Erik and I keep going back and forth between buying and not buying. Now we are currently back on the buying bandwagon. I am sorry about Issac's asthma. That is such a pain and scary for you I am sure. It must be no fun trying to deal with that a lot. You are such a trooper. Your page of Chloe is so cute by the way.
Sara said…
I'll tell you what you want... You want to move to Brian and Sara where ever they are! Love you ;)

Popular posts from this blog

July 28 Ketchikan Alaska

So I may be grateful that we camped out, but it literally rained all night long. And the sad news was that the sun wasn't coming out so we had to keep shaking out the rain fly repeatedly hoping for it to dry out. The good news is that it wasn't raining. The silver lining is that Isaak had so much fun playing with some kids from Smithers. They tromped around again all morning long. Isaak is brave. He saw kids running around and immediately went over to get involved in the game with no hesitation. They welcomed him instantly. I think it may have been Isaak's favorite campground because of how much fun he had. It made packing up wet stuff much easier. The rain fly was almost dry when we had to roll up the tent and get headed to Prince Rupert to check in for our ferry. We hoped to leave around 930-10am, but we didn't We wanted to go check out a preserve, but we plainly ran out of time. Prince Rupert is a cute little beachy port town. We did drive through downtown and had l…

July 29 Ward Lake & the Library Ketchikan

It's raining it's pouring the old man is snoring. He's really snoring. It's been down pouring since we got here last night and it poured all day long. We got up and headed out to Ward Lake to a BBQ with their church.  It's beautiful. The kids thought it was the best ever because they had donuts, chips, hot dogs, watermelon, cherries and cookies. Isaak of course immediately started playing with some kids his age. Chloe and Lydia frolicked around in the woods and played horseshoes. It stopped raining for maybe 10 minutes, but other than that it picked right back up. I was sure they were going to cancel the BBQ, but again the kids seemed indifferent to all the rain. Some of them were even kayaking. I was too busy freezing! The hike around the lake is 1.5 miles and we saw a beaver den sans beaver. We walked around the Lake and it was like being submerged in the rain forest. Well it's not like being submerged in a rain forest. We were in a rain forest called the Ton…

The Farthest North Point & Settlers Cove

The rain continues to come down. I've never seen it rain like this before. Teana and Derek told us that the rain is more consistent with weather in October than in the summer, but weather.com promises that a warm front is in store for tomorrow. We went to church in an amazing building. The ward house was completely built in Cedar. Apparently the church shipped a cedar kit and the members of the church in the area worked with general contractors to put it together. It's beautiful and it smells so good!!! Chloe didn't want to go to primary by herself. At first I was trying tough love, but she started weeping. Okay. So she was actually trully scared. I sat with her in primary and then someone in the sharing time chose to sing Gethsemane. Chloe immediately relaxed. I was again aware of how much Heavenly Father cares for his children. Gethsemane is Chloe's favorite song and she always sings it when she's sad or asks us to sing it for her. She then said it was okay if I…